"In the beginning"

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The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Yellow 24 and other maladies.


How ya doin' folks, at least I'm enjoying myself and I've cleared the

backlog of bits and pieces from my files... I've got a serious one for
you soon, stay tuned.



A man goes to the doctors feeling a little ill.

The doctor checks him over and says, "Sorry, I have some bad news, you
have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus."
"It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually

only have 24 hours to live."
"There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious

moments on earth."
So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.
Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's
never been there with her before.
They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and

wins $35.
Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins $320. Then he gets

the full house and wins $1000.
The National Grid comes up and he wins that too getting $380,000.

The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, "Son, I've been here
20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full house
and the national grid on the same Card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth!"
"Lucky?" he screamed. "Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24."
"F**k me," says the bingo caller. "You've won the raffle as well!!"

NOW LET'S OFFEND EVERYONE
Redneck couple walking out of the divorce court, the wife is
crying her heart out.

Husband says ' Oh for f***”s sake stop crying, you're still my sister'

Boom boom

My ex-wife asked what reincarnation is. I explained, when you die you

come back as something else.

She said she wanted to come back as a pig.

I said, "You're not listening"

Boom boom

I was depressed last night, rang lifeline. Got a call centre in

Afghanistan told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Boom boom

I am going to watch my wedding video in reverse later.
I love the part where she takes her ring off and walks down the isle

backwards, gets in the car and leaves.

Boom boom


Today an Aboriginal was found nailed to a tree, stabbed six times

and shot twice.

Redfern police said it's the worst case of suicide they had ever seen.

Boom boom

A car bomb was found outside Lakemba mosque today. Police have

urged the public not to panic as they have managed to push it inside

the mosque

Boom boom


Woman goes into a shoe shop and sees a gorgeous pair of white stilettos.
She asks what are they made of.
The assistant said they were made from human skin and cost $1500.00 a pair.
The woman said she could not afford that.
The assistant said says 'Don't worry, we have them in black for $4.99.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
And I think I'll sneak out the back way now




9 comments:

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Thanks- I think- for your
comment. I was trying to get up from the little step at the back door and
was glad I wore my pendant. I do nearly all the time as I am less steady on my feet. I liked the joke -
Yellow 24. Take care, cheers, Merle.

kenju said...

Peter, some of those are cute and some of those might get you fired from this job.....LOL

Pamela said...

a new one... the one about the PIG.
I'm usually so QUICK... but I had to stop an think about that one for a 30 seconds... and then I remember I needed to dust and do the dishes.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Bloody hell, Peter. You'll be getting "boom boom" from varipus "go gooders" if you're not careful... However, they were funny...at least my sense of humour is as warped as yours...

Zaac said...

o dear. o very very dear.

Dave said...

*ROTFL* I think you got everyone with those jokes Peter!!!

LZ Blogger said...

Peter ~ At least there was an upside to the "Yellow 24 Disease"! ~ jb///

Jack K. said...

Yep, you did it, you offended everyone, except politicians. Better luck next time. Snerx.

Siry said...

The image on the header of the blog is really beautiful, I love Australia, I would go and meet you all.

I love humor.