How ya doin' folks, at least I'm enjoying myself and I've cleared the
backlog of bits and pieces from my files... I've got a serious one for
you soon, stay tuned.
A man goes to the doctors feeling a little ill.
The doctor checks him over and says, "Sorry, I have some bad news, you
have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus."
"It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually
only have 24 hours to live."
"There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious
moments on earth."
So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.
Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's
never been there with her before.
They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and
Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins $320. Then he gets
the full house and wins $1000.
The National Grid comes up and he wins that too getting $380,000.
The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, "Son, I've been here
20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full house
and the national grid on the same Card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth!"
"Lucky?" he screamed. "Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24."
"F**k me," says the bingo caller. "You've won the raffle as well!!"
NOW LET'S OFFEND EVERYONE
Redneck couple walking out of the divorce court, the wife is
crying her heart out.
Husband says ' Oh for f***”s sake stop crying, you're still my sister'
My ex-wife asked what reincarnation is. I explained, when you die you
come back as something else.
She said she wanted to come back as a pig.
I said, "You're not listening"
I was depressed last night, rang lifeline. Got a call centre in
Afghanistan told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
I am going to watch my wedding video in reverse later.
I love the part where she takes her ring off and walks down the isle
backwards, gets in the car and leaves.
Today an Aboriginal was found nailed to a tree, stabbed six times
and shot twice.
Redfern police said it's the worst case of suicide they had ever seen.
A car bomb was found outside Lakemba mosque today. Police have
urged the public not to panic as they have managed to push it inside
Woman goes into a shoe shop and sees a gorgeous pair of white stilettos.
She asks what are they made of.
The assistant said they were made from human skin and cost $1500.00 a pair.
The woman said she could not afford that.
The assistant said says 'Don't worry, we have them in black for $4.99.
And I think I'll sneak out the back way now