Random thoughts

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting she won’t change and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

A woman knows all about her children, she knows about dentist appointments, romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears, hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Never lick a steak knife

Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that, too.)

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the country and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

Todays word;

"Nanosecond or OHNOSECOND" That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that
you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')