"In the beginning"


The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Letter from a farm kid


Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well Hope you are.

Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats
working for old man
Minch by a mile.

Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly
6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your
cot and shine some things. No
hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to
mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmins like fruit juice, cereal, eggs,
bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak,
eggplant, pie and other regular food.

But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city
boys that live on coffee.

Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again.

It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route"
marches, which the
Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden
us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell
him different.

A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home.

Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The country is nice, but awful flat.

The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt.
is like the school board. Majors and
Colonels just ride around
and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting
medals for shooting. I don't know why.

The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move.
And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett
boys at home.
All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it.
You don't even load your
own cartridges.
They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training.
You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real
careful though, they break
real easy.
It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home.
I'm about the best they got in this
except for that Tug Jordan
from over in
Silver Lake. He joined up the same time as me.
I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs
near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other
fellers get onto this setup and come
stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,



kenju said...

Funny story, Peter.

Yes, we do call them spuds in the US. The beauty of this recipe is that if you don't have time to make potatoes, for example on a busy holiday when you are making lots of other things, you can make these in advance and freeze them for up to a month. Then all you have to do is re-heat them on the day of the dinner. They are really, really good too!

bubba said...

What is scary about this is I grew up with thinking just like it. A freind sent this to me awhile back and we had a laugh. Because we both grew up in and around folks like this.

Cliff Morrow said...

The ending caught me by surprise Peter. You got me to laughing. Thanks, I needed this. c

No_Newz said...

Hahah! Three cheers for Gail!
Lois Lane

Jamie Dawn said...

I love this, and the ending is grrreat! What a gal! I guess she's giving those city boys a real whooping.

Merle said...

Hi Peter - This is a good story
with the surprise ending.
I thought at first it was going to be like "Hello Mudder, Hello
Did you get my e-mail about
wedding poems?

aka_monty said...

Oh. My. Damn.

Now THAT was funny!!!!!