His Side of the Story

The wife came home early to find her husband making love
to a beautiful, sexy young woman. "You unfaithful,
disrespectful jerk! What the hell are you doing? How dare
you do this to me the faithful wife, the mother of your
children! I'm leaving this house and I want a divorce!"

The husband replied, "Wait! Wait a minute! Before you leave,
at least listen to what happened."

"It'll be the last thing I will hear from you so make it fast,
you cheating creep."

"While driving home this young lady asked for a ride.
I saw her so defenseless that I went ahead and
allowed her into my car. I noticed she was very thin,
not well dressed and dirty. She mentioned she had
not eaten for three days.

"Out of compassion, I brought her home and warmed up
the enchiladas I made for you last night that you wouldn't
eat because you're afraid you'll gain more weight.
When I served them to her the poor young thing,

practically inhaled them.

"Since she was dirty I asked her if she'd like to bathe.
While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were
worn-out and full of holes so I threw them away.
Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans
that you no longer wear because they're too tight on you.
I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary
and you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas
that you won't wear just to bother my sister and I also gave
her the boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that
you never wore again after you saw your co-worker
wearing the same pair.

"After she dressed, I walked the young woman to the 
door where she turned around and with tears of gratitude 
streaming down her cheeks, she asked me, 
"Sir, do you have anything else your wife doesn't use?"

Eight Words with two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.