"In the beginning"

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The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Latest software available


Girlfriend 1.0 -> Wife 1.0
 
MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning.
 
Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0
and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system
resources for other applications.
 
He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning
Child-Processes whichare further consuming valuable resources.
No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the
product brochure or the documentation, though other users have
informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of
the application.
Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always
launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other
system activity.
 
 He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 8.3,
BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the
system at all, crashing the system when selected
(even though they always worked fine before).
 
At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation
of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and
BrotherInLaw Beta release.
 
Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day. 
 
Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0. -
A 'Don't remind me again' button - Minimize button -
An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with
the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and
other system resources. - An option to run the network
driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware
probe feature to be much more useful.
 
I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with
Wife 1.0 by sticking with GirlFriend 2.0.
Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot
install GirlFriend 2.0 on top of GirlFriend 1.0. You must uninstall
GirlFriend 1.0 first.
Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have
been aware of.
Apparently the versions of GirlFriend have conflicts over shared
use of the I/O port.
You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. 
To make matters worse, The uninstall program for
GirlFriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable
traces of the application in the system.
 
Another thing that sucks - all versions of GirlFriend continually
pop up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading
to Wife 1.0
 
***** BUG WARNING ******** Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. 
 
If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0,
Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall
itself.
Then Mistress 1.1will refuse to install, claiming insufficient
resources. 
 
*** BUG WORK-AROUNDS *************** To avoid the above bug,
try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any
file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0.
 
Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have beenknown
to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.
 
Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider
under an anonymous name.
 
Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be
downloaded from the UseNet.



17 comments:

bubba said...

Is there freeware? If not how about shareware?

Karen said...

OK, now where's the Sexy Man 5.0? LOL

FTS said...

I never figured out why people try to run Wife 1.0 and Mistress 1.0 at the same time. They both require so many resources that the system will crash and be rendered useless.

poopie said...

It's all Bill Gates' fault.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Great job Peter. Very clever.

Big Dave T said...

Reading that makes me want to delete my hard drive.

P.S. Why is it that your word verification words are so tough to decipher. I'm gonna guess.

NOPE! Didn't get the verification word right. Gonna try again.

DAM! Missed it again. Hopefully, it's not three strikes and I'm out.

Merle said...

Life sure does get complicated. don't it?
Julie and Laurie are starting out for home today. She is feeling great and enjoying food again
at last. Cheers.

Like Dave, this is my 2nd attempt

Maria said...

Tell Bubba that it is not freeware or shareware, it is SHEware and very expensive no matter how you cut it. Thanks for a great laugh. I am copying your post and emaiing it to Bob. This is easier than calling him from his computer room which is right next to mine and having him read it over my shoulder. Takes less time and leaves me free to read more blogs. =)

Hale McKay said...

I declare this post officially a classic. Peter, that was great!
Good job. (Still laughing)

Jamie Dawn said...

Good grief! Maybe it's best just to stick with Staysingle 1.0 and not deal with any of the messy consequences.
Funny!

Granny said...

I've been surfing and ran into you. Greetings from Merced, CA USA. I'm a great-granny raising 3 pre-teen girls and I have a blog called rocrebelgranny.blogspot.com .

If you're a great-granddad, we may be close to the same age.

I like your blog, I plan to return, and you'd be welcome over at granny any time.

Ann (granny)

Word verification is put on this earth to teach us patience. Why must they use those fonts with everything run together and why so many letters we almost never use like q, x, z.

When we miss it the first time, it gets simpler. Why couldn't they do that in the first place?

Anonymous said...

i lik this its clever!!!

No_Newz said...

That was very funny! I was thinking about upgrading from Hubby 1.0 to Sugar Daddy 1.0. What do you think? ;)
Lois Lane

Da Gal said...

I freaking love this story - heard it before and continue to love it. HOpe you're doing well Peter. Is that new pic your place? I am loving the green grass and what appears to be a palm tree - I would like to transport myself there right now!!!!!!!!!

and regarding word verification - I find it easier if you slam a fifth of your fav drink first or just squint with one eye... giggle

Joy Des Jardins said...

Peter, I've seen this one before. I'd say you gentlemen might get just a little more kick out of it; but yeah, it's pretty funny. Thanks.

Cliff Morrow said...

Good stuff again Peter, I'd read this, or a similar version before but it's great writing.

Anonymous said...

Wow! A granny that surfs and she ran into you. I never even knew you owned a surfboard Dad! The things you find out about people! Haw, Haw! Lyn x