"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

The seasons are inter-twining


Does this happen in your area ?

Our supermarkets were closed on Monday and Tuesday Dec. 26th and 27th
as make-up holiday's for Christmas Day, when they reopened on Wednesday
28th they all featured “Hot Cross Buns” also known here as “Easter Buns.”
(but let’s not go there.)
Now I’ve not yet looked up the dates for Easter this year, but I’m pretty
certain it’s not in Jan. or Feb. so why the unholy, (no pun intended) rush to
get these into the stores ?
It was bad enough that the Christmas decorations/cards/music started in
Oct. but surely we don’t need to be inundated with the commercial side of
these two seasons for half of the year, (October to April, do the math,)
My other reason for sounding off about this is that I LOVE hot cross buns,
and my generous frame doesn’t need 3 or 4 months of supply of a known
fattening agent to help it out !!!
PS..... I've had a question which surprised me a little as to, what are
"Hot Cross Buns", these are a sweet yeast bun usually with mixed fruit,
they are glazed on top and have two thin beads of white dough laid accross
them in the form of a cross, they symbolize the crucifiction cross as a part
of the Easter story.

While I am very much against the “serious side” of political correctness,
I really appreciate the funny stuff that it generates, (how’s that for an
each way bet ?)



HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT.

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK.
- She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.

2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER.
- She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

3. She is not EASY.
- She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

4. She is not DUMB.
- She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

5. She has not BEEN AROUND.
- She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

6. She is not an AIRHEAD.
- She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY.
- She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS.
- She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

9. She does not NAG YOU.
- She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

10. She is not a SLUT.
- She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

11. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS.
- She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

12. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE.
- She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a BEER GUT.
- He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

2. He is not a BAD DANCER.
- He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME.
- He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

4. He is not BALDING.
- He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER.
- He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK.
- He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS.
- He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG.
- He has SWINE EMPATHY.

9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT.
- He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED

10. He is not HORNY.
- He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

11. It's not his crack you see hanging out of his pants.....
- It is REAR CLEAVAGE

16 comments:

Ivy the Goober said...

ha ha, I'm sometimes chemically inconvenienced! do you have valentines there? I went in the grocery store last night and it was packed with Valentines gifts and candy. But I can understand that, it's in February and gets here fast!

mreddie said...

OK, OK, I did chuckle - a lot! ec

kenju said...

Funny! rear cleavage? mr. kenju had that today and I said "EWWWWW, pull up your pants!"

jules said...

I actually laughed at this one, Petey Baby...from your sexually extroverted, pectorally superior friend, Jules

Cliff Morrow said...

Great stuff Peter. I'm going to have to print and post this on the wall.

Cliff Morrow said...

Oh yeah Peter, what are hot cross buns?

bubba said...

Are any of those buns made with saffron? Hmmmm bubba loves saffron buns. That rear clevage is known in these parts as "plumbers clevage".

TSB said...

I absolutely loved the "pectorally Superior" for women and the "Sexually Focused" for men....this was hysterical :)

Big Dave T said...

Wonder if they have paczki in Australia there. That's a fried jelly roll here in the U.S. Thankfully, they're mostly only sold on Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday).

Ms. Vickie said...

I'm so glad I had just finished swallowing oh my did I say that, well the tea before I scrolled into the joke section because those were good Peter. ;)

Hale McKay said...

Good stuff, Peter. By dancing while drunk and falling down, I guess I would be politically correctly referred to as an "overly caucasion falling onto his liquid grain storage facility, ending up in accidentally horizontal and exposing both my follicle regression on my pate as well as my rear cleavage.
...All this time i thought i was simply "legless."

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I hate being chemically inconvenienced, except for when I am. Then, it's really good. Thanks for offering.

Karen said...

I've heard of Hot Cross Buns, but have never seen one. Easter Buns? LOL

Must be PC. Rear cleavage is all over the place, especially when guys intentionally wear the pants low on their hips. I have to laugh because they look ridiculous.

Have a wonderful day!

Theresa said...

1. He does not have a BEER GUT.
- He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

This one made me spew my water. Luckily I turned left and avoided the laptop. Now I have to go dry out the bills I was going to pay! ;)

Jamie Dawn said...

All the holidays run together, one into the other.
It's a continual selling orgy for all the stores.

--from a breasted American

Peter said...

Well we seem to have clenched our buns onto that subject.