"In the beginning"

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The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

The Case For Celibacy.


When someone puts in for Child Support, the proper thing to do is find out
who the father is and see why he is not providing support.


The following are all replies that Dallas women have written on Child Support
Agency forms in the section for listing father's details. Or putting it another
way..... Who's your Daddy! These are genuine excerpts from the forms.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by
Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I
believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out
of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a
list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a
party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met
that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do
manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW
that now has a hole, made by my stiletto heel, in one of the door panels.
Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had
it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter
from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that
he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so
would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the
economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country.
Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all blacks look the same
to me.

8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask
him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?.........Child B who was also born at the
same time....well I don't have a clue who the father is.

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World;
maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure
is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have
stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller
Drive
, mine might have remained unfertilized.


UCLA Study.

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the
kind of face a women finds attractive on a man can differ depending on when
or where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is
attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted
to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and tape over his mouth while he is
on fire. No further studies are expected.

15 comments:

Karen said...

These are a riot!!!! Thanks for the laughs. Wow, some people are down right scary ;-)

The last part is so funny too!

JunieRose2005 said...

Lol- that last part is FUNNY!! Now does that make me weird, or what, to find that funny! haha


Ant that first part was funny too.... if it wasn't so sad!

June

bornfool said...

Peter, those were priceless.
"Unexpectedly taken from behind" lol.

Ms. Vickie said...

Don't tell Peter I was part of that study...lol just teasing.

Loved the laughs. Thanks for the sharing. :)

Meow said...

Hey Peter, hope all is well.
Your blog is looking great, but your sidebar has dropped all the way down the bottom, after all your posts ... weird !! I have a question for you ... do you ever have problems seeing pictures on my blog ?? One reader says she can't see them, and I was wondering why that would be. I think it would be her browser, perhaps ?!?
Anyway, thanks.
Have a great day, Meow

LZ Blogger said...

Funny stuff here Peter. I wonder if #5 was from Richmond or Arlington, VA? ~ jb///

Jamie Dawn said...

That UCLA study got it right!!! FUNNY!

Immaculate conception..... I don't think so!
Those ladies are morons.

Britmum said...

Way too funny. LMAO

No_Newz said...

Dude! That is funny stuff. Can you say tramps?! LOL! One day I was at the courthouse getting info for a news story. It was child support collection day and the lady behind the counter asked me if I was there to collect my child support payment. Without a second passing, I said, "No. I'm still married to my spem donor."
Lois Lane

bubba said...

I saw that in my inbox and was hoping you would post it :-)

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I loved those excerpts. How frightening that these people have reproduced!

StringMan said...

Haha! I knew it was wise all these years to stay away from Lady String during THAT time of month.

Forced celibacy is the answer indeed to those child support items. Funny stuff.

Big Dave T said...

Hmmmm, Peter Smith? That sounds like a fake name. I'll bet it's an alias for another Peter. Not that many people named Peter around, though. Hmmmmmm.

Ivy the Goober said...

I am partial to the the type of men you mentioned last. No offense. ;)

Cliff Morrow said...

I loved the last one.