"In the beginning"

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The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Rednecks

I just love the term rednecks, we don’t use it here in Oz, but it isn’t difficult
to figure out, or to find some people who fit the mould perfectly, but then as
Alan Jackson says in a song, “It’s alright to be a redneck.”

And I can hear that Jeff Foxworthy twangy voice reading these out too.

Hope you all have a great weekend.

"You know you’re a redneck when......”


1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly Swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think the “nutcracker” is something you do off the high dive.

6. The salvation army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your Father
made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say “cool Whip”
on the side,

24. The biggest city you’ve ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You’ve used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of
Improvements.

28. You’ve used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 MPH


11 comments:

Sherry said...

Hello Peter, found your blog while browsing. Seems as though you have a great sense of humor and outlook on life. Another term for Rednecks here in the U.S. is Trailer Trash.

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

I really liked the personalized license plate and the fast food...

Jacqui said...

Hi Peter,
I am a bit behind in my comments, it just got to late last night.
Walter says it's too late to try to improve his english, it sure has a way of getting him to trouble though.

Just remember you are two years older than me!
Jacqui

Karen said...

Note to self: do not take a drink when reading Peter's blog, chances are you'll laugh and almost choke. ;-)

Loved the jokes!

Have a great weekend :-)

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ I love these redneck jokes.
I thought trailer-trash were poor folks who lived in caravans.
Thanks for your cheers to Jo, Geoff and
me. We had a great day. John came round to see them and spent quite a while here too. Actually got both sons planting silver beet and Broad Beans
and Jo raking up leaves and weeds. And
I didn't even have to crack a whip!!
Take care, Merle.

Merle said...

Hi again ~~ Poetry Galore has gone from
Holties House on my computer at least.
The Pictures are there and the other one
that has Alicia etc on it. Just thought I would mention it. cya, Merle.

JunieRose2005 said...

REDNECKS!!!

Hey, Peter, I bet reading about Charles and me, here in Anthony, put that idea for a post in your head! :)

Junie

Lucy said...

Hi Peter

1st time i've visited your site. I've seen your comments on some of the blogs i visit.. your a funny guy!

BTW i can get 12 bags of mulch in the back of my VW beetle. Does this count as Redneck? Well if not.. i also have an RV -- so i'm gettin closer.

Big Dave T said...

When my wife and I went to Tennessee a couple weeks ago, we crossed into redneck country. In fact, scribbled onto the back cab window of a pick-up truck was this, "Hillybilly and Proud of It. It's a Redneck thing, you wouldn't understand." True. I don't.

Marcus said...

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of
Improvements....
That made me snort!

I can see the pictures but I'm not sure I want to, boy, where did you dredge that one up from? Alan doesn't have a stomach, Vicki looks 14 and Bruce has got his arms around me!

It took a while to load but the print is readible though red may be easier.

Looks good, well done.

Hale McKay said...

Great stuff, Peter. I wish to correct SDC - Trailer Trash is NOT another term for a redneck. They are two separate things. It's hard to explain, but not all rednecks are trailer trash. Trailer trash aspire to be rednecks. They are classes, distinct unto themselves.