"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Mild Depravity.

This picture is included purely for research purposes, to see
whether there is
an acceptable level of "butcrack" or not.
By the way, did anyone notice the cieling fan?

What's the verdict Hoss?


Just incase anyone has suffered eye strain while conducting
the scientific
research on the first picture, I have included
the very latest eye chart
to allow you to do a self test of your
visual capacity.


Love making tips for seniors.

While on matters pertaining to health, due to my very recent
elevation up the ladder so to speak, I have also included
some tips for amorous seniors.

1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.

2. Set timer for two minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6 Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.


No Sex Since 1955.

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal
arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in
attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something
bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you
have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know,
you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong
way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so
seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a
private room where she proceeded to "relax" him...several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said,
"Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice,
"I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

14 comments:

kenju said...

Love the last joke - but the fat frog is just gross!!

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Some good jokes there. Could
do without the pictures. The printing
got very small towards the end.
Sorry that I posted Little Tony twice.
I can forget what I posted a week ago, or the day before yesterday. Some may
not have seen it before.
Cheers, Merle.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Unhappily, Peter, blogger is showing me no pictures today, just little boxes with red "x" in them. Hacks me off.

Hale McKay said...

LOL - gotta love Military time!
...The seniors' love making list is great!
...Hmmm, there's something else in the picture besides the frog?
...Well, I'll be. I'm quite sute that ceiling fan wasn't there the first time I "glanced" at the picture.
...Very good post, as usual.

Raggedy said...

Sergeant Major was a good one. I also liked the senior tips.

Have a great day..

and erm...the pics..well...ummm..I knda am with Merle there..

Jamie Dawn said...

That second picture is HITONIOUS!!!!!!
If you have to look at butt crack, the better the body, the better the scene.

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

I could so without the fat picture, but the senior tips were great and well as the last joke...funny stuff.

Maria said...

Peter,
You have much too much time on your hands. Get out and do some exercise! Where did you find that gross frog like photo?

Now as to the jokes, they were really funny. Lovemaking in the senior years certainly has it challenges and well for the crusty old marine, I was once married to one.

Karen said...

What butt crack? All I saw was a ceiling fan ;-) LOL

The sex tips are a riot, I'll have to remember them, if I'm getting any then.

Have a great day! Thanks for the laughs.

Marti said...

I'm so dense I couldn't figure out what it was a picture of at first LOL

Loved the military joke!

Hope you have a great day!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Oh my goodness, Peter. I can now see the pictures. Shit. I was better off before. These are terrible. No, rotten...

Carolyn said...

That last joke was a riot! As for the frog- well, now I'll never be able to kiss a frog ever again!

Miss Cellania said...

That eye test has left me blinded. I don't think I ever want to look at an eye test again.

StringMan said...

I saw the frog. Oh god, I saw the frog.