"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Quoteable Quotes.


Have you seen the very latest in shopping bags?














I don't think the hand gun bag would get very far in
Australia
Our gun laws are pretty tough.


But I guess we have our share of nail biters though.

BRAIN CRAMPS.

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live
forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we
would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I
would not live forever."

Miss America 1995 from Alabama

Heather Whitestone



"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all
over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be
skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and
stuff."

Popular Pop Singer

Mariah Carey



"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,"
(During an interview to become Spokesperson for federal
anti-smoking campaign.)

Model, movie and TV actress

Brooke Shields



"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of
my body,"

University of Kentucky Basketball Forward

Winston Bennett



"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest
crime rates in the country,"

Washington DC Mayor

Marion Barry



"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our
papers. We are the president."

(Commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.)

First Lady and Democratic Senator from New York

Hillary Clinton



"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by
a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"

A congressional candidate in Texas



"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

Philadelphia Phillies Manager

Danny Ozark



"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

Vice President

Al Gore



"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may
not occur."

Vice President

Al Gore



"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

Vice President

Dan Quayle


"We've got to pause and ask ourselves, How much clean
air do we need?"

Chrysler Chairman and CEO

Lee Iacocca



"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a
guy like Norman Einstein."

NFL Quarterback and Sports Analyst

Joe Theisman



"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."

ROTC Instructor

Colonel Gerald Wellman



"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

President

Bill Clinton



"Traditionally, most of America’s imports come from overseas."

Keppel Enderbery




"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992
because we received notice that you passed away. May God
bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your
circumstances."

Greenville, South Carolina

Department of Social Services



"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at
night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart
throughout the night. And the next morning, when they
wake up dead, there'll be a record."

FCC Chairman

Mark S. Fowler



Feeling smarter yet?


Hitchhiker


This out of state traveler was on the side of the road,
hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a
thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was
raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face.

Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing
ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and
stopped. Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and
closed the door; only then did he realize that there was nobody
behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be heard over
the rain.

Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was terrified,
too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw
that the car was approaching a sharp curve and, still too scared
to jump out, he started to pray and began begging for his life;
he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and into a
nearby lake and he would surely drown!

But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at the
driver's window and a hand reached in and turned the steering
wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as
silently, the hand disappeared through the window and the
hitchhiker was alone again!

Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every
time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death,
had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran and ran,
into town.

Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and, voice quavering,
ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his
supernatural experience.

A silence enveloped the place and everybody got goose bumps
when they realized the guy had to be telling the truth (and was
not just some drunk).

About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one
says to the other, "Look Ole, ders dat idiot dat rode in our
car when we wuz pushin it in the rain.
"



21 comments:

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Some very funny ones in that
lot. What's this "little and old" two out of three ain't bad. Guess you are on a par with me "old and man" You sure
ain't little !! Cheers, Merle.

Karen said...

It's amazing how much smarter I'm feeling right now LOL Hopefully they all like the taste of leather from their feet being in their mouths LOL

Have a wonderful weekend!!

JunieRose2005 said...

LOL-
Them thangs you say thar-

Very Amusin.'

Maid me feel reel smrt , fer sur! :)

JuniperRose

poopie said...

Ayep...I was feeling downright stupid until I read those ;)

The Heir said...

hehe love the quotes grampa, stopped by to let you know that i arrived in the UK and have regained conscious thought after half a week of sleep walking, dan says i did some of my best work EVER in that time, and u can expect the first of many "mandatory" blog posts sunday morning ur time.
See you on the dark side!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

A bird in the hand will gather no moss.

PI said...

Enjoyed the read but the last story made me holler.

Carolyn said...

Oh boy! That last one got me ;D

And it appears that some of the things those famous people said, they were pushin' it in the rain too, lol!

Jacqui said...

Great joke, it's hard to believe some of things people say, especially where they can be heard anf quoted.

Guess I will leave the photos.

Thanks for your comments. I've often wondered is it better to comment back on your own blog, or at the commenter's, is there a blogging etiquette ?

Hale McKay said...

THose quotes were great and I loved the Hitchhiker joke.
...Great stuff as usual, Pete.

DellaB said...

Hilarious!

StringMan said...

Just when I thought Yogi Berra had cornered the market on silly sayings ("When you come to the fork in the road, take it"), you prove that plenty of others are just as capable. Nearly pissed myself on the hitchhiker joke.

StringMan said...

Just when I thought Yogi Berra had cornered the market on silly sayings ("When you come to the fork in the road, take it"), you prove that plenty of others are just as capable. Nearly pissed myself on the hitchhiker joke.

Big Dave T said...

See, that's why I don't like the media interviewing celebrities on any topic. They ain't even so smart as us.

Ms. Vickie said...

Thanks Peter, I feel a little as if I am not so dumb after all.
You always have a way of adding something to my day.
Hope you have a great week. Sorry I did not add to your birthday
wishes as I wated to. I would have liked to have done something
special as I try to do for all my friends on their special days
but not being able to post daily has made it difficult.
If there is one who will understand I know it is you.
You have that very special way about you.
Take care of you for we do want you around for a long time
my friend.

Miss Cellania said...

Looks like Yogi Berra did not have a corner on the market. However, I heard that some supermodels are very smart. Just the other day, someone complimented my intelligence by telling me I had "Schiffer brains".

Jamie Dawn said...

That Texas jackass one is hilarious!

Thanks for some good chuckles today. :-)

somershade said...

Thanks for the birthday wish over at AIP(mom) :)

Funny stuff hear xxoo

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Did you notice that most of those idiot quotes came from the U.S.A?
Are you trying to tell us something Peter...

That IS a pink parasol that Somershade is carrying on the back of her bike...but we call it a beach umbrella over here. She had been to Virginia Beach in Virginia, Niagra Falls, and all over the eastern coastline of the US.

Cliff Morrow said...

Okay Peter, I'm reporting you as the guy that woke my wife up when I laughed just now. I'll give her your email address. Good stuff as always.

Lucy said...

Your aussies are pretty smart. No dumb aussie comments and you make great bags. Those bags .. are a riot. I loved them.