Quoteable Quotes.

Have you seen the very latest in shopping bags?













I don't think the hand gun bag would get very far in
Australia Our gun laws are pretty tough.


But I guess we have our share of nail biters though.

BRAIN CRAMPS.

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live
forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we
would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I
would not live forever."

Miss America 1995 from Alabama

Heather Whitestone

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all
over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be
skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and
stuff."

Popular Pop Singer

Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,"
(During an interview to become Spokesperson for federal
anti-smoking campaign.)

Model, movie and TV actress

Brooke Shields

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of
my body,"

University of Kentucky Basketball Forward

Winston Bennett

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest
crime rates in the country,"

Washington DC Mayor

Marion Barry

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our
papers. We are the president."

(Commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.)

First Lady and Democratic Senator from New York

Hillary Clinton

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by
a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"

A congressional candidate in Texas

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

Philadelphia Phillies Manager

Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

Vice President

Al Gore

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may
not occur."

Vice President

Al Gore

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

Vice President

Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves, How much clean
air do we need?"

Chrysler Chairman and CEO

Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a
guy like Norman Einstein."

NFL Quarterback and Sports Analyst

Joe Theisman

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."

ROTC Instructor

Colonel Gerald Wellman

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

President

Bill Clinton

"Traditionally, most of America’s imports come from overseas."

Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992
because we received notice that you passed away. May God
bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your
circumstances."

Greenville, South Carolina

Department of Social Services

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at
night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart
throughout the night. And the next morning, when they
wake up dead, there'll be a record."

FCC Chairman

Mark S. Fowler

Feeling smarter yet?

Hitchhiker

This out of state traveler was on the side of the road,
hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a
thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was
raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face.

Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing
ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and
stopped. Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and
closed the door; only then did he realize that there was nobody
behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be heard over
the rain.

Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was terrified,
too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw
that the car was approaching a sharp curve and, still too scared
to jump out, he started to pray and began begging for his life;
he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and into a
nearby lake and he would surely drown!

But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at the
driver's window and a hand reached in and turned the steering
wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as
silently, the hand disappeared through the window and the
hitchhiker was alone again!

Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every
time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death,
had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran and ran,
into town.

Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and, voice quavering,
ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his
supernatural experience.

A silence enveloped the place and everybody got goose bumps
when they realized the guy had to be telling the truth (and was
not just some drunk).

About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one
says to the other, "Look Ole, ders dat idiot dat rode in our
car when we wuz pushin it in the rain."