"In the beginning"


The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Computers! and Politicians

Computers have their problems no matter where you live.

This is Windows heading for a crash in uptown USA.

In Alaska Things are the same but different somehow.

Microsoft Cars.

Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto
industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the
computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got
1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments,

General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed
technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the
following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have
to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You
would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the
windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before
you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case
you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would run
on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would
all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal
Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you
out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door
handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to
learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would
operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. Oh yeah, and last but not least . . . you'd have to press the
"Start" button to turn the engine off!

Crocodile Diets.

Two Crocodiles sat in the swamp near Cairns in Qld.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't
understand how you can
be so much bigger 'n me. We're the
same age, we were the
same size as kids. I just don't get it."

Well," said the bigger 'croc, "what ya been eatin', son?"

"Politicians, same's you," replied the smaller 'croc.

"Hmm. Well, where are ya catchin' 'em?"

"Down on the other side of the swamp near the parking lot, by
the Town Hall."

"Same here. Hmm. How ya catchin' 'em?"

"Well, I crawl up under one of their cars and wait for 'em to
unlock the car door.
Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg, shake
the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!"

"Ah !" says the big alligator, "I think I see the problem. You ain't
gettin' any real nourishment.
See? By the time you done shaking'
the shit out of a politician, there ain't nothing' left but an asshole
and a briefcase!"


Theresa said...

Love the alligator joke! It's so true!

Jim said...

I believe your croc joke was originally an alligator joke (last paragraph). The politicians were from Louisiana and New York.
I'd take my chance on an HP car for 25 bucs, this one is a Pavilion dv1000 and it doesn't crash or do those things.

Raggedy said...

What a great post! I loved the GM response thing.. When you see the computer crash out the window on my site I did not get it here..I have had a post in draft mode for over a month with the same pic..
Have a wonderful day!
(=':'=) meow hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Raggedy one

Granny said...

Borrowing your GM/Computer story.

Hale McKay said...

Oh - wow - still laughing at the crocodile joke!

kenju said...

LOVE the computer list!!

Jamie Dawn said...

Cute cartoons.

That last one is not only funny, but it is TRUE!!!
Nearly all politicians are full of it!!