Computers! and Politicians

Computers have their problems no matter where you live.

This is Windows heading for a crash in uptown USA.

In Alaska Things are the same but different somehow.

Microsoft Cars.

Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto
industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the
computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got
1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments,

General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed
technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the
following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have
to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You
would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the
windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before
you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case
you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would run
on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would
all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal
Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you
out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door
handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to
learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would
operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. Oh yeah, and last but not least . . . you'd have to press the
"Start" button to turn the engine off!

Crocodile Diets.

Two Crocodiles sat in the swamp near Cairns in Qld.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't
understand how you can be so much bigger 'n me. We're the
same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it."

Well," said the bigger 'croc, "what ya been eatin', son?"

"Politicians, same's you," replied the smaller 'croc.

"Hmm. Well, where are ya catchin' 'em?"

"Down on the other side of the swamp near the parking lot, by
the Town Hall."

"Same here. Hmm. How ya catchin' 'em?"

"Well, I crawl up under one of their cars and wait for 'em to
unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg, shake
the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!"

"Ah !" says the big alligator, "I think I see the problem. You ain't
gettin' any real nourishment. See? By the time you done shaking'
the shit out of a politician, there ain't nothing' left but an asshole
and a briefcase!"