Procrastination

Bill's had a bad day at the office, and we won't even
talk about Monica's day.


......................Procrastinator's Creed.

* 1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would
have been done already.

* 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more
work or find excuses.

* 3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of
consideration.

* 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in
proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could
expect to receive from missing them.

* 5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility
for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a
reprieve from my obligations.

* 6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable
regardless of the amount of time given.

* 7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle,
though infinitesimally small, is not exactly zero.

* 8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

* 9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course
I decide to change my mind.

* 10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first
step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

* 11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands
that the greater the task to be done, the more
insignificant the work that must be done prior to
beginning the greater task.

* 12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish,
but is wait/plan/plan.

* 13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget
about forever.

* 14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of
Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they
ever get it organized.

The box office.

The airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight
attendant gave the passengers the usual information
regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back
and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell,
and crew take you safely to your destination.”

Ed sitting in the eighth row thought to himself,

"Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?"

When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said
"Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"

"Yes," said the attendant,

"In fact, this entire crew is female."

"My God," said Ed, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas.
I don't know what to think of all those women up there in
the cockpit."

"That's another thing sir," said the attendant,

"We no longer call it the cock pit."

"It's the Box office."

Writing in space.

During the initial space flights, Nasa discovered that biro
pens didn't work under zero gravity conditions. To beat
the problem, Nasa spent 6 years and $2 million in
designing a pen for use in space. The pen would work
under zero gravity conditions due to the pressurized ink
inside, it would work under sub zero conditions,
underwater, on glass and virtually any surface known
to man.

The Russians used a pencil!