What's the beer for?

A post from Wazza's place, please excuse the content, he brings out
the worst in me... sigh.

Someone in the shed.

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no".

Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all." Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an

ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence and caught the burglars
red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

The bridle sweet?

A Redneck couple had just been married and went to a hotel for their
honeymoon.

The man went to the front desk and asked for a room. He said "this

here is a very special 'casion and we need a good room with a strong bed."

The clerk winked and asked "Do you want the Bridal?"

The Redneck fellow thought about it a while and then replied,

"No, I guess not, I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it."