"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Virus Warning.


Let's get back to blogging.

I've been so engrossed with sorting out Bloglines and FeedDemon for the last few days I've lost sight of the fact that I started this blog so that I could share my wit with you, so once again it's back to the fray.


There is a solution to every problem... not always a pleasant one.



TAKE CARE...... BE WARNED....THIS IS REAL....
If you receive an email entitled "Bedtimes" delete it IMMEDIATELY.

Do not open it.

Apparently this one is pretty nasty.

It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.

It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.

It will program your phone auto dial to call only 0898 numbers.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

It will cause your toilet to flush while you are showering.

It will drink ALL your beer.


For God's Sake, Are You Listening??

It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine.

If the "Bedtimes" message opened in a Windows XP environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.


*** WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. ***

And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart
so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of
you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.

Send this warning to everyone!!!


THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD!


Right now, as you read this, 17 Million people are having SEX!!!
And look at you….


You're on the computer!!!!


Murphy was an optimist opportunist.

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.

Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two
stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off you liar!". Says one.

"I'll prove it," Murphy says.

So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"

"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"




It's not true I had nothing on,


I had the radio on.






16 comments:

Steve G said...

Peter, when my wife finds me keeled over by the computer, dead from laughing so hard, it's your fault.

Jeanette said...

Hi Peter
Steves not the only one that laughed I had a good chuckle.Oh I hope i dont get that virus and poor paddy still having a laugh as I type this.

Miss said...

There will be no spark-farting here, I have a Mac!

Miss Cellania

Lee said...

Damn! I opened that 'bedtime' email and now I've got no wine or scotch left! You should have warned me earlier, Peter!!!!

Katherine said...

OK, you got me with the first one until I read a little more! That was hysterical!!

jules said...

Some of us can have sex and be at the computer at the same time. It pays to be flexible and able to multitask.

JunieRose2005 said...

So funny, Peter- ALL of it!


Junie

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Why Peter. I can't believe I'm typing to you.

I've tried to visit your blog many times. But every time I do, my browser fails to render it. I can catch bits and pieces, but many of the pics and hotlinks are jacked up.

So, on a whim I tried using Mac's native Safari browser (I use a different browser usually) and I can finally click the COMMENTS hotlink.

Looks like I'll have to keep a second browser running just for your blog.

bornfool said...

Made me laugh out loud, my friend. Love the George Jones tune, too.

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

I was laughing so hard out loud that my husband wanted to know what was going on. I told him that there was a lot of sadness in the world and about the 17 million people having sex and that I was on the computer & he was doing laundry and he began to laugh too. Very funny post. I'm going to pass the virus along to someone I love. hahaha

Rachel said...

This was a LOL one Peter!! Thanks!!

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~ good jokes. Thanks for your comment about the Miracle. It was a good story heading for Christmas. Doozey is an odd word !!
Take care, Merle.

DellaB said...

Hi Peter,
I have been trying to comment on Merle's blog but not getting the word verification, just a small x in the box, do you know if this is just me?

Maybe Merle has the virus?

thanks again for the laughs.
Della

Meow said...

Oh Peter, that was very, very funny !! Thank you. I needed a laugh, after the fright of thinking my blog had done a runner. It's back, yay !!
Have a great weekend.
Take care, Meow

DellaB said...

sorry, me again - comments working now at Merles'
you can hunch back over your pc...
or go back to whatever it was you were doing..

;-)
Della

Marti said...

I really enjoyed reading about your past! You are one fascinating fellow!

Loved the jokes and cartooon! Thank you so much for making me smile!