"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Dr. Suess and the Computer.

Similar... but somehow different.


Dr. Seuss Computer Poem.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and go and tell your mom!

A Bad Day.

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, grab his drink and gulps it down in one swig.


The poor little guy starts crying.


"Come on man. I was just giving you a hard time," the truck driver says. "I can't stand to see a man crying."


"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I grabbed a cab home but after the cab left, I discovered my wallet was still in the cab. At home I found my wife in bed with our gardener."


"So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink my damn poison!"


THE WEDDING TEST.


I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me ... it was her beautiful younger sister.


My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. because she never did it when she was near anyone else.


One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check
the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.


Well, I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."


I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I
stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!


With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said , "We are
very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"


And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car



12 comments:

Duke_of_Earle said...

HAHAHAHAhahaha!

(The wedding test! You had me completely.)

John

Raggedy said...

I had seen these before but I enjoyed reading them again.
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

Walker said...

LMAO!!!!!!!!
The wedding one knew but the others i hadn't.
Thanks for the laugh.

Have a nice day

Christina said...

ROFLMAO @ the wedding test.

peppylady said...

The Dr Seuss poem was a tongue twister.

Cliff Morrow said...

Good jokes Peter. And good poem. Thanks for keeping track of Marilyns progress.

Rachel said...

LOL!! Painful looking pictures though. Ouch!!

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Good jokes, especially the wedding one. And the last line, keep condoms in the car!! Thanks for your visit, I was sorry not to get to Sandra's funeral, but there were other cousins to comfort Michelle, who was my main concern.
So far posting directly into blogger is working, so will continue for now.
I doubt that is how you do your posts though?? Forget photos for now, just glad to get the posts on. Take care,Merle.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Ooof! I couldn't begin to imagine the discomfort of having those nipple rings done.

Loved the computer poem, very Dr Seuss-ish!

Jeanette said...

Hi Peter
The wedding Test hahaha.

Katherine said...

Oh, I loved that last one - knew there had to be a twist!

Hale McKay said...

That wedding test - I swear, every time I hear or read it - it's funnier than the last time.