"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Some Redneck Humour.

You just might be a redneck!!



You May Be a High-Tech Redneck if...

* You post squirrel recipes on a website.


* You've ever bought beer online.


* Your URL contains the words "ain't" or "reckon."


* You write to Hewlett-Packard to sponsor a NASCAR team.


* You've modeled your new 'Daisy Dukes' for a webcam.


* You have a cell phone headset for your fishing boat.


* Your robot dog is named 'Bubba'.


* You receive e-news letters from The Beverly Hillbillies fan site.


* You paid more for your computer than you did for your house.


* You subscribe to the chewing tobacco newsgroup.


* You keep a "six-pack" refrigerator next to your tower.


* Your windows wallpaper is the confederate flag.


* You make John Wayne MP3s.


* Your IM lists are "Hunting buddies" and "Mama 'n them".


* You've ever written a blog about NASCAR results.


* Your ringtone is a Hank Williams song.


* You changed beauty shops because there was no web surfing under the hair driers.


* You modified your gun rack to hold a rifle AND your laptop.


* You helped install a wireless hotspot zone in your favorite Honky Tonk.


* You've ever called
Graceland to tell them their webcam was down.


* You have your monster truck magazine collection on CD-ROM.


* You've ever been to a computer show wearing a Lynyrd Skynyrd T-shirt.


* You've used your shoe's spike heel to pry out a DVD that was stuck in the player.


* Your ISP's office is on a gravel road.


* You sent your husband an E-card of Dolly Parton on the first day of deer season.


* You have Harley Davidson stickers on your mouse.


* Your Windows sound files are all steel guitar.


* You wrote a really cool flash animation that involves Jack Daniels.


* You've ever e-mailed a digital photo of your new tattoo.


* You know the GPS coordinates of your deer stand and duck blind.


* You've used a photo editor to see what you'd look like in Tammy Faye makeup.


* You've used a locking CD case to close a bag of salsa chips.


* You've ever gotten Kripsy Kreme icing INSIDE your PDA.


* You've ever spilled moonshine on your Blackberry.


* You wired your grandma's outhouse with broadband just for giggles.


* You have a satellite photo of the Dallas Cowboys' Cheerleaders on your wall.


* You've ever painted a URL on an overpass.


* You've discussed high capacity hard drives while getting your cowboy boots polished.



ACTUAL COURT DOCKET 12659 CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old), what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this:

When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I smiled. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "
Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to grin. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident".. I just lost it."

"CASE DISMISSED!!"


Farm help.


A farmer hires a college student one summer to help around the farm.

At the end of the summer the farmer says, "Son, since you have done such a fine job here this summer, I am going to throw a party for you."

The college guy says, "Right on, thanks a lot man."

So the farmer says, "Well you better be able to handle a few beers because there will be lotsa drinkn' going on."

College guy "Hey, I can drink just as much as anyone else so I should do just fine."

Farmer "There is also going to be a lot of fightn' so I hope you are ready."

College guy "I have been working hard all summer and I think I am in pretty good shape."

Farmer says, "Well, did I mention that there will be lotsa sex?"

College guy "Good. I have been out here all summer and I have been dying for some action. What should I wear to this party?"

Farmer says, "I don't care it's just going to be me and you."





9 comments:

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Peter

Rednecks, eh? The only Lynyrd Skynyrd song I know is "Sweet Home Alabama". Did they record more?

Good jokes, I needed a laugh after the last week or so...

Cheers

Raggedy said...

Lotsa laughs there!
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

Jack K. said...

Great posting.

Just me and you? Man that is scary. giggle

Jamie Dawn said...

Ewwww about that Farmer and the College guy joke!!!!

You and Miss Cellania are on the same wavelength.
Redneck Fever is going around, I guess. :)

Christina said...

LOL @ pregnant woman, and the redneck jokes!

Marcus said...

G'day dad
Just catching up on Holtieshouse now that beach mission is finished. We're still at Augusta, going home tomorrow.

I was really shocked and saddened at the news about Bruce and Jane, sorry I couldn't say anything to you Christmas Day but Bruce asked me not to say anything as he wanted to tell you himself.
We had a pretty good Christmas at Bridgetown with just one small flair-up.
Stacey's news is "interesting" (I only know what I've read here.)

I'm very impressed that you not only remember what I said to you over 20 years ago (given your self-confessed memory detrioration!) but that you've quoted it on your blog! Nice one.

We've had a great time down here, and are now relaxing a little before going home. Carolyn is off to see her parents on Saturday for a couple of weeks.

Love Marcus

JunieRose said...

Funny!!
...especially that farmer joke!!

Jeanette said...

Hi Peter
Rednecks hahaha

Miss Cellania said...

Ooops. I am definitely a hi-tech redneck!