You May Be a High-Tech Redneck if...
* You post squirrel recipes on a website.
* You've ever bought beer online.
* Your URL contains the words "ain't" or "reckon."
* You write to Hewlett-Packard to sponsor a NASCAR team.
* You've modeled your new 'Daisy Dukes' for a webcam.
* You have a cell phone headset for your fishing boat.
* Your robot dog is named 'Bubba'.
* You receive e-news letters from The Beverly Hillbillies fan site.
* You paid more for your computer than you did for your house.
* You subscribe to the chewing tobacco newsgroup.
* You keep a "six-pack" refrigerator next to your tower.
* Your windows wallpaper is the confederate flag.
* You make John Wayne MP3s.
* Your IM lists are "Hunting buddies" and "Mama 'n them".
* You've ever written a blog about NASCAR results.
* Your ringtone is a Hank Williams song.
* You changed beauty shops because there was no web surfing under the hair driers.
* You modified your gun rack to hold a rifle AND your laptop.
* You helped install a wireless hotspot zone in your favorite Honky Tonk.
* You've ever called
* You have your monster truck magazine collection on CD-ROM.
* You've ever been to a computer show wearing a Lynyrd Skynyrd T-shirt.
* You've used your shoe's spike heel to pry out a DVD that was stuck in the player.
* Your ISP's office is on a gravel road.
* You sent your husband an E-card of Dolly Parton on the first day of deer season.
* You have Harley Davidson stickers on your mouse.
* Your Windows sound files are all steel guitar.
* You wrote a really cool flash animation that involves Jack Daniels.
* You've ever e-mailed a digital photo of your new tattoo.
* You know the GPS coordinates of your deer stand and duck blind.
* You've used a photo editor to see what you'd look like in Tammy Faye makeup.
* You've used a locking CD case to close a bag of salsa chips.
* You've ever gotten Kripsy Kreme icing INSIDE your PDA.
* You've ever spilled moonshine on your Blackberry.
* You wired your grandma's outhouse with broadband just for giggles.
* You have a satellite photo of the Dallas Cowboys' Cheerleaders on your wall.
* You've ever painted a URL on an overpass.
* You've discussed high capacity hard drives while getting your cowboy boots polished.
ACTUAL COURT DOCKET 12659 CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old), what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I smiled. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "
A farmer hires a college student one summer to help around the farm.
At the end of the summer the farmer says, "Son, since you have done such a fine job here this summer, I am going to throw a party for you."
The college guy says, "Right on, thanks a lot man."
So the farmer says, "Well you better be able to handle a few beers because there will be lotsa drinkn' going on."
College guy "Hey, I can drink just as much as anyone else so I should do just fine."
Farmer "There is also going to be a lot of fightn' so I hope you are ready."
College guy "I have been working hard all summer and I think I am in pretty good shape."
Farmer says, "Well, did I mention that there will be lotsa sex?"
College guy "Good. I have been out here all summer and I have been dying for some action. What should I wear to this party?"
Farmer says, "I don't care it's just going to be me and you."