"In the beginning"


The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Aint Words Grand.

First thing I want to do today is to thank all the people who were kind
enough to nominate HoltiesHouse for The Best Australian or New
Zealand award, I only know the identity of two, MissCellania and
Raggedy, Thank you, also I want to thank each and everyone who
voted for HoltiesHouse in the Weblog Awards.
To be nominated and then become a finalist has been a humbling
experience, and then to have all the congratulations from those of you
who have voted for my site was quite overwhelming.
The content that I choose probably gives the impression of nonchalance
and no doubt has you wondering at times just what sort of person
would go to some of the places I go, the only answer I can give is a
caring and fundamentally nice person.... OH... Bloody Hell,

my altar ego is back, try as I might
I just don't seem to be able to
keep him down.

Ah well, he's good for a laugh
every now and then I guess.

The Washington Post publishes a contest for readers in which they are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

Bustard (n.), a rude bus driver.

Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood.

Spatula: n. A fight among vampires.

Excruciate: n., the ligament that attaches your ex-wife to your paycheck.

Perplexed: adj., lost in a movie theater.

Population: n., that nice sensation you get when drinking soda.

Racket: n., a small pair of breasts.

Nincompoop: n., the military command responsible for battlefield sanitation.

Ineffable: adj., describes someone you absolutely cannot swear in front of.

Pontificate: n., a document given to each graduating pope.

Pimple: n., pimp's apprentice.

Discussion: n., a Frisbee-related head injury.

Ozone: n., area in which the G-spot is located.

Flattery: n., a place that manufactures A and B cup brassieres only.

Cabbage Patch: A patch for those trying to stop eating cabbage.

Sudafed: A software program on how to file a civil action against the government.

Pop Secret: Paternity suit settled without publicity.

Oral-B: Monica's grade on her last intern evaluation.

The Washington Posts Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon: End of the world due to a build up of bad-vibes.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Intaxication: Euphoria at receiving a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Tumfoolery: When a middle-aged man sucks in his stomach while being introduced to an attractive woman

Fadavers: Last year's hot fads.

Main Geeze: How an elderly, unmarried couple refer to each other.

Polarvoid: The state of having no baby pictures, a condition that usually befalls the second-born child.

Dozie: The lie a person tells when a telephone caller wakes him up and he denies that he was sleeping.

Hooternanny: The au pair you thought was especially promising, but your wife sent back to the agency.

Alexpandria: A town known for its buffet restaurants.

Apocalypstic: The little smudge I came home with on my collar that makes my wife act like it's the end of the world.

Defenestraction: A ruse to divert the cop's attention while you throw the evidence out the window.

Accimental: Caused by a Freudian slip.

Algaebra: What the Little Mermaid wears over her chest.

Aliass: A body double for a nude scene.

Arbyss: The deepest part of the stomach, reserved for two Giant Roast Beefs, large Curly Fries and a chocolate shake.

Avant-harde: Before the Cialis kicks in.

Doltergeist: a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank.

Guillozine: a magazine for executioners.

A lot of you will have seen this stuff before, that doesn't make it
less funny, and if we find a few who haven't seen it, that's
a bonus.


Anonymous said...

Peter, I finally received the email. I went to the site and my vote has been confirmed. Good luck.

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ You are hard to reach at the moment and I just got through to Margaret too. Thanks for letting us know she was off line. I think she is back as she sent me an e mail both yest and today. Good luck in the Awards. Take care, Merle.

Raggedy said...

Good post.
The definitions were funny.
Thanks for the link. I am so glad that a person we nominated is in there! Woooohoooooo!
Go Peter! Rah Rah Rah!
pssst,good tune today!
Have a wonderful day!
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

Jeanette said...

Hi Peter.. Bloggers been a real pain in the rear end
Flabbergasted..appalled over how much weight I have gained.

Good luck with the voting
Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi.

DellaB said...

Hi Peter, that's better - I couldn't get in to leave a comment on either your or Margaret's blog.
I hope that she is feeling better today.

These are really funny, some new ones I hadn't seen before, you are right...

Good luck too for the awards.

Joy Des Jardins said...

Peter, I'm anxiously awaiting the results of the voting....good luck my dear friend.

Loved the definitions today....

Now why would you want to keep your alter ego down....he's such an appealing guy.

Pamela said...

The hubby and I were laughing aloud.

I'd seen a few of the latter ones.
but that first group was all newbies.

I wish I'd seen it first and posted it on MY BLOG.

Jamie Dawn said...

Those word definitions are a crack up!
People are SO creative.

I'm rooting for YOU - not your alter ego. :)
You are a winner with ALL your blog buddies!!!

Cliff Morrow said...

Peter it was 'Lymph' that got to laughing out loud out of all of those clever lines. Thanks buddy.