From the world wide resourses of holtieshouse

I need to thank my dedicated team of research assistants for their
tireless efforts to locate the best stuff to help me amuse my loyal
readers.

Hope you enjoyed your cereal this morning was the caption
(Thanks Jules)

Not My Job, No other explanation necessary here. (Thanks Sandy)

Elite Chicken Farmer. (Thanks Lyle)

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. And then asks "What is your occupation?"

She replies " I'm a whore"

The accountant is somewhat taken back and says, "No, No, No. That won't work. Let's try to rephrase that."

The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl."

"No, that still won't work. Try again."

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer".

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"

"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."

"Chicken Farmer it is."

New Wine for Seniors. (Thanks Robyn)

California vintners, in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.

It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as...

"

"

"

PINO MORE

I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE.

URGENT WARNING. (Thanks Lyle)

I hate people that forward too many warnings, but this one is important!

Send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list!

If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a
survey on lice and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around a pole, do not do it!

IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you naked.

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now.....

Emails. (Thanks Sandy)

There have been many times when I may have

Disturbed you...

Irritated you...

Bugged you...

Occasionally amused you

With my e-mails...

But today

I just wanna tell you, 

Because you are my friend ... 

“  

“

“

“

I PLAN TO CONTINUE !!!!!!! 

The Blonde in the Casino  (Thanks Suzie)


An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived and bet twenty-thousand 
dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm 
completely nude". With that, she stripped from the neck down, 
rolled the dice and yelled,
"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed ...
"YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" 
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and 
her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.


Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The others answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching.

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, 

BUT ALL MEN ARE MEN.



Emergency call.      (Thanks Jan)

"Send someone over quick! " the old woman screamed into the phone. "Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom window!"

"This is the Fire Department, lady," the voice replied. "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Department."

"No, it's YOU I want!" she yelled. "They need a longer ladder!"

Donkey Raffle. (Thanks Marcus)

A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer rove up and said, "Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died."

"Well then, just give me my money back."

"Cain't do that. I went and spent it already."

"OK then, just unload the donkey."

"What ya gonna do with em."

"I'm gonna raffle him off."

"Ya cain't raffle off a dead donkey!"

"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anyone he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with the dead donkey?"

"I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 apiece and made a profit of $898.00."

"Didn't no one complain?"

"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2.00 back."

I would have included some of my mate Wazza's contributions here
but unfortunately even my censors wouldn't pass any of it, and you
know how lax my censors are!!!!

Suffice it to say that without my contributors, not all of whom are
bloggers, and not forgetting my most consistent one ANONYMOUS
this blog would have probably ceased to exist long ago,
THANK YOU ALL.