All contributions gratefully accepted.

The bulk carrier Pasha Balkar aground near Newcastle in a recent storm.

In a very well coordinated effort the huge bulk carrier was re-floated two weeks
later without major mishap, proving yet again things could have been worse.........

It could have been the ship below that ran aground.

While I appreciate the contributions of the folk who send me stuff that
eventually winds up on my blog I'm starting to get the feeling that I get it
because "They" are too chicken to post it themselves??? so keep those cards
and letters (and emails) rolling in, it's easier than me writing my own stuff.

Dave Allen.

It can be hard work getting started. Take being a stand up comic, for example. Probably every comedian currently in or out of work has heard the sobering tale of the prematurely cocky young performer at the Edinburgh Fringe who, after completing about twenty minutes or so of what he thought of as his strongest material, had still not managed to elicit a single laugh.

As the saliva fled from his mouth, the cold sweat raced down the back of his neck, the young comic played his final card. Spotting a mature looking gentleman seated near the front of the small audience, the desperate comic called out and asked him for his name.

The mature-looking gentleman gazed back at him and replied "Dave Allen".

The room fell silent as the rest of the audience sucked in and held its collective breath.

The young comic, not recognizing one of his professions most enduring and successful and widely admired practitioners, pursued his line of inquiry. "So, Dave," he continued, "What do you do ?"

Dave Allen looked back at the young man, paused for one, two, three beats, and then, very calmly and very softly, uttered the fatal words. "I'm a comedian…
What do you do ?"

CHINESE WEDDING NIGHT.

A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. "My darring," he whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting juss anyting you want. You juss ask. Whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls... Numbaa 69."

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...

"You want... Garlic Chicken with corrifrowa?"