We all get heavier as we get
older because there’s a lot
more information in our heads.
So I’m not fat, I’m just really
intelligent and my head
couldn’t hold any more so it
started filling up the rest of me.
That’s my story and I’m
sticking to it.
No its not my birthday I just like the cartoon.
This blog has been a bit too serious lately, what with my favourite daughter
not being well, so its time for a little humour.
Football in heaven.
Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of
When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.
One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives,
and we played Sunday football together for so many years.
Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow
you must let me know if there's football up there."
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been
my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do
this favour for you.
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from
a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice
calling out to him,
Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
Mike--it's me, Joe."
You're not Joe. Joe just died."
I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."
Joe! Where are you?"
In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a
little bad news."
Tell me the good news first," says Mike.
The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven.
better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here,
too. better than that, we're all young again.
Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows.
And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we
never get tired."
"That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams!
So what's the bad news?
"You're playing Tuesday."
There's a sign outside a Kiwi garage, "Fill up and get free sex." A man fills up
and says, "what about the free sex?"
"Well" the attendant says, "Law says there's got to be a little competition.
think of a number."
"Bad luck mate, it's nine."
The man drives off, stops at the next pub, orders a drink and says to a
bloke standing at the bar, 'That garage down the road - it's a bloody
take. Sign says "Fill up and get free sex" and it's all B S.'
The bloke says, "No mate, you're wrong. Straight up.
No worries. My wife won twice last month.