"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Laugh a little



We all get heavier as we get

older because there’s a lot
more
information in our heads.
So I’m not fat, I’m just really
intelligent and my head

couldn’t hold any more so it
started filling up the rest of me.


That’s my story and I’m
sticking to it.


No its not my birthday I just like the cartoon.




This blog has been a bit too serious lately, what with my favourite daughter
not being well, so its time for a little humour.

Football in heaven.

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of

their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives,

and we played Sunday football together for so many years.

Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow

you must let me know if there's football up there."
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been

my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do

this favour for you.
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from

a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice

calling out to him,
"Mike--Mike."
Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
Mike--it's me, Joe."
You're not Joe. Joe just died."
I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."
Joe! Where are you?"
In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a

little bad news."
Tell me the good news first," says Mike.
The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven.
better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here,

too. better than that, we're all young again.
Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows.
And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we

never get tired."
"That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams!

So what's the bad news?
-
-
-
-
-
-

"You're playing Tuesday."



Free sex

There's a sign outside a Kiwi garage, "Fill up and get free sex." A man fills up

and says, "what about the free sex?"

"Well" the attendant says, "Law says there's got to be a little competition.

think of a number."
"Eight".
"Bad luck mate, it's nine."


The man drives off, stops at the next pub, orders a drink and says to a
bloke standing at the bar, 'That garage down the road - it's a bloody
take. Sign says "Fill up and get free sex" and it's all B S.'

The bloke says, "No mate, you're wrong. Straight up.
No worries. My wife won twice last month.








16 comments:

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Thanks for the jokes, and I liked the first one.
I hope Vicki is doing well at the wellness clinic. Take care both of you. Love, Merle.

karisma said...

LOL! They were good ones, have not heard any of them before!

Hugs xx

kenju said...

Good jokes, Peter, and I love your new photo header!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Ah yes, a few laughs go a long way, don't they? How's Vicki doing at her new clinic?

Puss-in-Boots said...

PS. I've got a joke, but I'd better email it rather than put it here...

linda may said...

G'Day Peter, I just had a look back through your last couple of posts, you sure get around don't you..Happy New Year and best wishes for your dear daughter Vicki.

Dave said...

*LOL* Great jokes Peter!!!

Pamela said...

I never remember jokes anymore...
except the ones I heard 10 years ago.

Jamie Dawn said...

I have a feeling that guy's wife will win the free sex every time she visits that gas station!!

ha, ha, ha

That stretch of the Australian outback in your previous post looks very desolate. I'd hate to get stuck out there! That double decker bus looks mighty worn down and lonely. I don't think I'll stop at The Corner Store any time soon.

Timmy is a cute doggie!!

I pray that Vicki's treatments will be successful and that her pain will decrease and her strength increase. I know this is so hard on you, Peter. We love our kids so much, and any time they suffer, we suffer right along with them.

Jack K. said...

Thanks for sharing the jokes.

LMAO.

I hope Vickie is doing much better.

Glad you decided to use that photo for your banner. I loved it the first time I saw it.

Make it a good one!

Cliff said...

I would prefer you remove that cartoon of me.

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ I like your latest header with the kids ad their
partners. A big improvement to the
previous backsides.
Give my love to Vicki, please.
Take care, Love, Merle.

Lyn said...

hey dad, i think the banner should be reading: See no evil; DO evil; Speak no evil; Hear no evil. Love Lyn x

Jeanette said...

Happy new year Peter.
I hope Vicki has stated her treatment and is showing signs of improvement. Great jokes. all my Love to family Jan

Christina said...

LOL - thanks for the jokes!

Walker said...

HA HA HA
I just may open a garage