"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

The Week Between

The What-chama-call-it Poem


This sort of thing is happening to a lot of us,

it starts out being mildly amusing, but soon

becomes a constant source of annoyance.


I’ve got used to my arthritis,

To my dentures I’m resigned,

I can cope with my bifocals,

But, God, I miss my mind.


Sometimes I can’t remember,

When I’m standing by the stair,

If I was going up for something,

Or have just come down from there.


If it’s not my turn to write dear

I hope you won’t get sore,

I may think that I have written and

Don’t want to be a bore.


So remember that I love you, and

Wished that you lived near,

Now it’s time to mail this

And say goodbye my dear.


At last, I stand beside the mail box,

And my face it sure is red;

For instead of posting this to you,

I’ve opened it instead.


Author Unknown


13 things a man can do at K-Mart ... 
while his wife is taking her sweet time.
 
 
 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and  randomly put them in
people's trolleys when they aren't looking.
 
2. Set all the alarm clocks in homewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
 
3 . Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a
while, then yell loudly:
"There's no toilet paper in here!".
 
4. Walk up to an  employee and tell him/her in an
official tone:
"Code 3 in housewares!"  and see what happens.
 
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of
M&M's on lay-by.
 
6. Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to
a carpeted area.
 
7. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department --
and tell other shoppers you're sleeping over;
invite them in if they bring pillows from the
bedding department.
 
8. When a clerk asks if they can  help you,
begin to cry and ask:
"Why can't you people just leave me ALONE!?
 
9. Look right into the security camera, use it
as a mirror and pick your nose.
 
10. Dart around the store suspiciously, while
loudly humming the theme from "
Mission Impossible."
 
11. In the Auto Department, practice your "Madonna look"
using different sized funnels.
 
12. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people
browse through, say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!
 
13. When an announcement comes over the
loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and
scream "NOOOOOOOOOOO! It's those
voices again!!!"
 

13 comments:

LZ Blogger said...

Peter ~ These are VERY funny! I LOVED #3! Hope "sis" is doing fine at Heron Nest?! ~ jb///

Da Gal said...

LOl Peter... I know this was just a test for my eyesight again but this time I passed... I squinted and with my glasses I was able to read that microscopic font.

And I think it was you who was asking which was larger... a heap or a pile. Definitely a heap. Especially since the pile was described as small. *grin*

PS - love the word trolley.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Funny, funny, funny. Glad I came by.

bornfool said...

I'm definitely going to try a couple of those, but with my memory, I'll probably forget.

mreddie said...

Could relate just a bit too much to a few of the lines of the poem, but enjoyed it none the less.

Checked out Merle's blog and will be checking back. ec

Jamie Dawn said...

Some of those K-Mart ones are just hilarious. I was conjuring up some pretty funny mental pictures!
I haven't lost my mind yet, as the poem suggests, but I guess that at age 42, I will be experiencing mind loss before too long. What a great thing to look forward to!

Karen said...

ROFL!!! I need to go shopping with you sometime! ;-) What a crack up!

My mind comes and goes, depeneding on how much I have to study.

Have a great day!

Big Dave T said...

That poem is ME!! As in the joke about the old guy that is always thinking about the "hereafter." He comes into a room, than says to himself, "Now what am I here after?"

bubba said...

I love shopping that way. By the way am I reading or posting here? What am I supposed to do?

FTS said...

That poem was truly funny. :)

LZ Blogger said...

Peter ~ Finally I can READ this without a magnifying glass! Congratulations! ~ jb///

Peter said...

OK Jerry if you are so impressed with the new template tell me how the hell I can get the sidebar stuff back where it belongs instead of hiding at the bottom in the body section.pleeeease.

LZ Blogger said...

Peter - I just read the stuff above. The problem with the BLOGSPOT, is that it uses templates that already has the HTML coding built (INTO) it. All you can do is select the look you want it to have from the selection menus that blogspot provides. (If you actually KNOW HTML, then you can modify it any way you want to, but as you expressed, you don't) So you are just going to have to use the OPTIONS for the template changes that BLOGSPOT has set up for you. Sorry I am no more help than that, but maybe if I ever get around to it, I could do a little CODE modification for you. But the reason I started this blogging stuff was because it is SO MUCH easier, than writing your own HTML code. Sorry buddy, but after all I AM the LAZY Blogger! ~ jb///