"In the beginning"

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The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

In The Beginning



In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for Footy
Matches, going to the beach and BBQs. He created night for going
prawning, sleeping and BBQs.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Second Day. On the
Second Day God created water - for surfing, swimming and BBQs on
the beach.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Third Day. On the
Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants - to provide
malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQs.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Fourth Day. On the
Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans for chops, sausages,
steak and prawns for BBQs.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Fifth Day. On the
Fifth day God created a bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy the beach,
drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQs.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Sixth Day. On the
Sixth Day God saw that this bloke was lonely and needed someone
to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the Barbie
with. So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good blokes.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Seventh Day. On the
Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling BBQ fires, heard
the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the
Blokes, smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns.

and God saw that it was good.... well almost good.

He saw that the blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
So God created Sheilas to clean the house, bear children, wash, and
cook and clean the BBQ.

God saw that it was not just good, it was better than that,
it was bloody good!

IT WAS AUSTRALIA!!


Driving in Heaven
 After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo,
(and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still
standing on the kerb.
 "Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take
your seat so we can leave?"
 "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at
the
Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."
 "I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if
something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to
work that morning.
 "There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.  Reluctantly,
the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The
driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the
Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
 "Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope
keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, dear God, I'm
gonna lose my license," moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls
down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him,
goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
 "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.  The Chief gets
on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred
and five.
 "So bust him," says the Chief. 
 "I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop. 
 The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason". 
 "No, I mean really important," said the cop. 
 The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?" 
 Cop: "Bigger." 
 Chief: "Governor?" 
 Cop: "Bigger." 
 "Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?" 
 Cop: "I think it's God!" 
 Chief: "What makes you think it's God?" 
 Cop: "He's got the f*****g Pope as a chauffeur!!"

15 comments:

kenju said...

So......you seem pretty happy to live in AUstralia....LOL

Ms. Vickie said...

Peter you have some great jokes here, thanks I always get a good laugh.
You made my day. I also thank you for not judgeing me on my writing but
accepting me.

Jamie Dawn said...

BBQs sound bloody goood to me!!
(But I don't want my meat bloody. Please make sure it is cooked through and through... thanks.)

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Enjoyed both of these and
they made a good start to the day.
Thanks for that. Cheers, Merle.

jan said...

Hi Peter enjoyed both of these ill have the bbq prawns ty
have a happy easter and hope the easter bunny comes to you ...Jan

Hale McKay said...

LOL - the friggin' Pope as a chaffeur!

Meow said...

Thanks for those, Peter ... they were great. Isn't it wonderful to be a proud Aussie !!! I know I am, and wouldn't change it for the world.
Have a wonderful Easter.
Take care, Meow

JunieRose2005 said...

:) Very good , Peter!

Happy Easter!


June

Maria said...

Guess I will have to visit the great country of Australia someday. Wonderful love you have for the place. I loved the wildflowers too.

Merle said...

Hi again Peter, Did you get the message from my blog. John came to see me at tea-time & asked if I wanted to go for a drive. Thinking Violet Town Market or
something like that.
Anyway I think we are leaving here Wednesday & heading for Jackie at Chinchilla if she is home. Will let
you know more, when I know.
John says we are going to Gladstone too.
Cheers, Merle.

Carolyn said...

Me-- shrimp on the barbie! I don't care which bloody day 'tis. Yum! ;D

Cliff Morrow said...

The first one proves why I'm so 'deeply' religious.
I loved the second one Peter. Nice work!!
I see my comments will come up after you moderate them. I'm pretty moderate already, but go ahead and moderate away..

Big Dave T said...

That first joke made it sound like God was Australian. But we know that can't be, since Australia is the land "down under."

bornfool said...

Have a Happy Easter my friend. I understand you'll be having a visitor(s).

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Well this is just beautiful, Peter. Thank you.