In The Beginning

In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for Footy
Matches, going to the beach and BBQs. He created night for going
prawning, sleeping and BBQs.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Second Day. On the
Second Day God created water - for surfing, swimming and BBQs on
the beach.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Third Day. On the
Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants - to provide
malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQs.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Fourth Day. On the
Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans for chops, sausages,
steak and prawns for BBQs.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Fifth Day. On the
Fifth day God created a bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy the beach,
drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQs.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Sixth Day. On the
Sixth Day God saw that this bloke was lonely and needed someone
to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the Barbie
with. So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good blokes.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Seventh Day. On the
Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling BBQ fires, heard
the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the
Blokes, smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns.

and God saw that it was good.... well almost good.

He saw that the blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
So God created Sheilas to clean the house, bear children, wash, and
cook and clean the BBQ.

God saw that it was not just good, it was better than that,
it was bloody good!

IT WAS AUSTRALIA!!

Driving in Heaven

 After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo,
(and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still
standing on the kerb. 

 "Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take
your seat so we can leave?" 

 "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at
the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today." 

 "I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if
something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to
work that morning. 

 "There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.  Reluctantly,
the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.  The
driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the
Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. 

 "Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope
keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, dear God, I'm
gonna lose my license," moans the driver.  The Pope pulls over and rolls
down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him,
goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. 

 "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.  The Chief gets
on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred
and five. 

 "So bust him," says the Chief. 

 "I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop. 

 The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason". 

 "No, I mean really important," said the cop. 

 The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?" 

 Cop: "Bigger." 

 Chief: "Governor?" 

 Cop: "Bigger." 

 "Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?" 

 Cop: "I think it's God!" 

 Chief: "What makes you think it's God?" 

 Cop: "He's got the f*****g Pope as a chauffeur!!"