"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Calling Heaven.

Today we have a mixed bag of goodies.


Calling Heaven...

Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of
our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to
install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:


Thank you for calling heaven.

For English press 1

For Spanish press 2

For Arabic please hang up now.

For all other languages, press 3


Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for requests

Press 2 for thanksgiving

Press 3 for complaints

Press 4 for all others


I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right
now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in
the order it was received.

Please stay on the line.


If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1

Jesus, press 2

Holy Spirit, press 3


To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his
social security number followed by the dollar sign.
If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666.


For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3:16.


For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets,
please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.


Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please
hang up and call again tomorrow.


The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.


If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact
your local pastor.


Thank you and have a heavenly day.


A Pet Frog.

An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet
to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She
searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her
interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in,
she looked and he winked at her.

He whispered, "I'M SO LONELY, TOO, BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME
WITH, YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY."

The lady figured, what the heck! She hadn't found anything else.
So, she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front
seat beside her.

As she was slowly driving down t he road, the frog whispered to
her "KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY."

So the lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.

IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous,
sexy, young, handsome prince.

THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE LADY'S KISS.

SUDDENLY THE LADY FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM
HIS KISS.

NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE OLDER LADY TURNED INTO?


COME ON GUESS!

OOOOOOOHHHHHHH COME ON -- DON'T BE A POOP!

*

*

*

*

*

SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST HOLIDAY INN SHE COULD FIND!!!

She's older.......NOT DEAD!!!!!

OLDER LADIES ROCK!

16 comments:

Val said...

I like the cartoon the best. Your posts make for fun reading!

JunieRose2005 said...

lol!!

That frog one is funny!

LOL! You got me -but on reflection I can certainly relate! hahaha

June

Jim said...

The Holiday Inn, Lady and Frog Prince, one was really good.

I liked the part: "For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3:16" about the dial God.

These all are soooo good I'm tempted to steal a couple.
..

Karen said...

Those were funny, thanks for the laughs. The safe sex always cracks me up.

Have a great day!

Crazedmomof4 said...

That safe sex thing is how I ended up with kids. Safes are not as good as they say for protection.

Sar said...

Hi Peter, first time visit and at the risk of sounding like spam, you really do have a great blog! Loved the safe sex cartoon and the calling heaven bit cracked me up, especially the line "Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please
hang up and call again tomorrow."

Maria said...

Oh my favorite was (of course) the older lady that turned into the Holiday Inn.

Raggedy said...

lmao at safe sex...hahaha
Good post!
The frog was funny too!

Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) meow hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Raggedy one

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Fabulous post! Also, the changes on your site are wonderful. I love those cubes.

Carolyn said...

Bwahahahaha! She turned into a Holiday Inn ;D ;D

And the Adam/Eve one below is a winner too ;D

Keep 'em coming Peter!

WordWhiz said...

GREAT! Thanks. I needed the laugh(s)!!

kenju said...

Love the cartoon, Peter!

Jacqui said...

Hi Peter,
loved the calling heaven, and all the other posts, this is the first chance I have had to blog in nearly a week.
How do you get the wheelchair, maybe if you are feeling magnanimous, you would put it on my site,
cheers jacqui

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ These are good ones and I had a laugh at them. I must have been VERY tired to miss this post. I hadn't seen the Safe sex cartoon before.
Cheers, Merle,

DellaB said...

and an excellent mixed bag it is too!
thanks Peter...

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

The cartoon was very funny and so were your jokes.
Hope that you are keeping warm there...we are roasting in oven temperatures here but a cool rain is expected tomorrow. I can't wait.