"In the beginning"


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No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Cell Phones and other in-convenieces

Try shaking your head fast enough to get this effect... If you dare.

Click picture to enbiggen

I have a trio of very funny jokes for you all to get a chuckle from today.

Cell Phones.

Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the restroom, I stop at a rest area and head to the restroom

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
'Hi, how are you?'

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
'Doin' just fine!'

And the other person says:
'So what are you up to?'

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
'Uhhh, I'm like you, just travelling!'

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
'Can I come ! over?'

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them
'No..I'm a little busy right now!!!'

Then I hear the person say nervously...

'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions

Cell phones, don't you just love them.

Sex Sandals.

A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop! So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex.

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god that he was. The husband asked the man, How could sandals make you into a sex freak?

The Jamaican replied, Just try dem on, Mon. Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes. . . something his wife hadn't seen in many years!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of he Jamaican's hips. The Jamaican then began screaming,


The Stuttering Cat.

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter."

A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty, and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

"That must've been scary", said the teacher.

"It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty raised his back and went
'Fffff,Fffff, Fffff'...and before he could say "F**k " the Rottweiler ate him!"


Junebug said...

Ho ho ho! Those are terrible! :D

Walker said...

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! @ The Jamacan joke

ChrisB said...

Hilarious~it's the way you tell them! :)

Jack K. said...

Beware of Rottweilers. LMAO

Dave said...

*ROTFL* Good ones Peter...!
I'm just about to post my blog post for tomorrow, and it's got a good joke in it too..

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I have always loved that cat joke. Thanks for the reprise.

Maria said...

Thank you Peter, you have given me three good jokes to take with me to lunch today. I know the ladies are really going to enjoy them.

Ralph said...

The person ahead of me was either a spammer or quite the talker, huh?
That cell phone joke hit a little to close to home.

karisma said...

Too Funny! And I think I'll pass on the first one!

Peter said...

You were right Ralph about the long winded commenter before you, he has gone to spammers hell now!!!!

Pamela said...

hey I missed out on the spammer. darn.

You were full of the funnies today Peter.
I'll never remember them tomorrow tho, yawn. I should take you to work with me just to tell them.

Hale McKay said...

I must remember to make sure I put my sandals on the right feet.

Still laughing over that one, Peter.

Great post.

jennifer said...

Hilarious! Hysterical! And just plain funny.